Pain Pain Go Away

“If pain must come, may it come quickly. Because I have a life to live, and I need to live it in the best way possible. If he has to make a choice, may he make it now. Then I will either wait for him or forget him.”
― Paulo CoelhoBy the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

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Now, I’m sure Paulo Coelho was talking about a different kind of pain, because love is sure not making this pain go away. But he was right about having a life to live and there’s no time for pain.

So some of you know that I have been struggling with an ulcer for quite a while. If you are really interested in what an ulcer looks like, I dare you to Google it. Let’s see if you can contain the “ouch” as you see the parasitic volcano that lives in my stomach.

I have been taking some pills that have been very helpful, too helpful that I finished a whole bottle of red wine on Thanksgiving because I was thankful my pills caused no pain. Only I had forgotten to take them and the pain came back…hard.

I’m back to my boring diet.

Here’s the do not eat/drink list:

coffe (I’m especially sad about this one)

carbonated drinks

teas with caffeine

alcohol (I’m sad about this one too) (oops did I write that?)

coffee (I need to stress the importance of not drinking this)

*hiccup

did I mention beer?

Ok I’m kidding! I’m not drunk so let’s continue with the list.

no tomatoes or tomato based food

any acidic fruits: oranges, pineapples, strawberries, tangerines, etc.

fruit juices

dairy

greasy foods, fried food, spicy food (might as well eat dirt)

chocolate…

I know I know I should stop before you cry too.

I’ll be OK. I just have to live a stress free life… hahahaha

So let’s see how long I can go with this special diet, because It’s about time I start taking care of myself.

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Doy Gracias

Acaba de publicar una entrada de agradecimiento en inglés. En ella incluí una lista de todo lo que estoy agradecida. Ahora en esta versión en español vuelvo a recapitular esa lista pero voy a agregar la importancia de recordar porque tenemos que estar agradecidos diariamente.

Hoy es un día para dar gracias. Y déjenme les cuento que entiendo porque tenemos que ser recordados, que por lo menos, una vez al año tenemos que estar con nuestros seres queridos y dar gracias.

Recuerdo estas fechas con un poco de tristeza. Aun recuerdo las preparaciones y la casa llena con tíos y primos. Recuerdo las mujeres en la cocina y los hombres riéndose de los chistes de mi padre. Recuerdo los niños corriendo y las travesuras de mi hermano.

Ahora me encuentro preparando mi propia cena para mi otra familia. Mi madre ausente, mi padre ausente, mis hermanos ausentes, tíos ausentes, primos ausentes, travesuras y chistes… ausentes.

Desde la separación de mis padres muchos familiares se han retirado de nuestras vidas. Yo entiendo su alejamiento. En la separación de mis padres vieron un gran peligro que tal vez sus relaciones corran el mismo destino. Instintivamente queremos proteger lo que tenemos y el miedo nos hace actuar de cierta manera. Pero el gran error que cometió esa gente es en juzgarnos y en separase de nosotros, las víctimas.

Tal vez mi deseo por huir de mi pueblo y empezar una nueva vida era una intuición de que algo terrible iba a ocurrir con mi familia. Ahora desde lejos veo y siento el rechazo de todos. Mi alma se llena de decepción al oír que me desean lo peor y que estoy muerta para ellos. Tal vez no hice nada para que se sientan agradecidos. Tal vez vean mi ambición por salir adelante como una manera de traición. Pero yo les estoy agradecida porque esos momentos de reunión eran cuando los pleitos no existían. Cuando la indiferencia era indiferente. En esos días no había reclamos, gritos, o mención de dinero. En días como estos miraba a mis padres alegres de huir del infierno que nos ahogaba.

Ahora silencio corre a mi alrededor y solo los recuerdos quedan. Tal vez mal entendidos nos han separado, no sé la razón y espero algún día lleguemos a comunicarnos. Mi alejamiento se vino a cabo no por querer huir de los problemas de mis padres sino porque su presencia era un vital recuerdo de lo que fue y de lo que nunca será. Tal vez piensen que yo soy la que los voy a rechazar y ellos esperen que yo tome el primer paso. Sea lo que sea, yo les agradezco de antemano que mantengan sus pensamientos y comentarios negativos con sigo mismos. Yo no estoy ahí para defenderme y espero que si les he ofendido que me lo den a saber.

El agradecimiento a seres queridos ha sido obstruido por ambiciones materiales. Ahora damos gracias por el nuevo aparato que fuimos obsequiados. Me da coraje de que la sociedad se preste para que la industria del viernes negro se crezca mientras el tiempo con la familia y el significado real de estas fechas sea olvidado.

Por eso agradezco a todos los que llevan mi sangre. Porque yo si los recuerdo pero no con rencor sino porque su existencia me dan a saber que tengo raíces.

Doy gracias por… la sonrisa que me despierta cada mañana, por los que me ven como realmente soy y por los que aceptan. Por los que me han ofendido y por los que me han alagado. Doy gracias por la música, por los libros de inspiración y por la creatividad. Doy gracias a la Virgen de Guadalupe que a pesar de mis dudas con religión me mantienen llena de fe y me protege. Doy gracias a los que les importa leer mis pensamientos. Doy gracias a mi esposo por hacerme sentir lo que es amar con toda el alma. Doy gracias por su dedicación a ser un padre ejemplar. Doy gracias por mi madre y por todos sus sacrificios para vernos realizados como personas. A ella le agradezco mi habilidad de llorar cuando estoy triste. A mi padre le agradezco por los momentos que no discutimos y que sí reímos. Así como él me mantengo alegre y extrovertida en escenas sociales. Doy gracias por mi hermana Alma. Siempre sonriente. Por el titulo de “Mamá Ñaño” y por esperar ansiosamente mis visitas. Doy gracias a mi hermana Melissa por su admiración y su fuerza durante un cambio drástico en su pequeña edad. Doy gracias por mi hermano por su dedicación a este país y por su lucha a salir adelante. Doy gracias a todo mi alrededor.

Pero más que nada le doy gracias a una persona… mi reflexión. A mi misma. Me doy gracias por actuar de la manera que actuo. Me doy gracias por sentirme agusto en mi piel y ver cada sacrificio como un paso a la felicidad total.

Disfruten este día y tomen un segundo para ver a su alrededor. Esas personas con las que cenan han hecho este día menos triste, menos solo, más alegre, más completo.

Feliz Día de Acción de Gracias!

Thankful

those that make me smile, those that have made me cry, for they have made me strong. I am thankful for the health of my family and I hope a light shines on all of us to let our hearts at peace and erase the hate and grudge. I am thankful for my son and his ability to clap and cheer at stacking blocks or after each song he hears. I am thankful for friends that remind me to laugh and enjoy life during tough situations. I am thankful for all the great jobs I’ve worked at and the ones that understood I needed to be home with my son. I am thankful for my husband and his dedication to this family. I am thankful for all the stars aligning and guiding me towards happiness. I am thankful for my sisters and their continuous admiration for their big sister. I am thankful for my brother and that he is safely home. I am thankful for his beautiful family. I am thankful for my mother and her sacrifice to love while raising us. I admire her dedication and her strength. I am thankful for all the good times my father shared with us. I am thankful for all the people that have touched us the way they have. To you I dedicate this post and I encourage all of you to give thanks everyday.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Old Relationships

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We have all had our moments where our thoughts wander years back to a certain past relationship. What drives us to go back in time and think of that person? Most of the time that person is just a blur memory anyway.

I believe it is in our nature to always wonder what happened to that person, especially if the relationship was left with many unanswered questions.

Social networks have not only helped many crazy stalkers to monitor their exes but for some of us it has answered many questions and some have even re-connected with each other.

The focus of this post is not to create a list of all the men I dated, but to write my thoughts on why it is that I randomly think of these men while I am a happily married woman.

It is no surprise to those that follow my blog (and to my husband) that I speak my mind. I know there are many women out there that share the same thoughts, ideas and questions that I do. I just happen to have my very own blog so I write about it.

About a year ago I received a message from an ex boyfriend on Facebook. I was curious to see what he could possibly want after five years of knowing nothing about him. After all we didn’t leave off in good terms. We were in a serious relationship and even planned to get married. He wondered what it had become of me. So like myself, he also thought of me. I had nothing to hide and I felt It would not harm anybody if I replied. I informed him I was a new mother and married. I kept it very brief and I also told him out of respect to my husband and to our past relationship we should not continue communicating. Luckily he agreed with me and in his reply he mentioned things that might have saved our relationship in the past but did nothing to make me regret our separation. I felt my questions and doubts were answered and he hasn’t been a problem ever since.

I’ve had other conversations with other past boyfriends and they have pretty much been the same to the one I just mentioned. But what has become of those I don’t even remember their full names, or their face is a blur. No, they were not one-night-stands it’s just that with time we do forget, just like I don’t expect that one boyfriend that swore he would love me for eternity to remember me.

Surely we remember the person for ever, but it doesn’t necessarily mean we remember every detail of that relationship. If you do, then take it as a sign that they mean more to you than you think.

So for all those women who keep bugging their husband, partner, boyfriend, fiancé, etc. about their past relationships, STOP IT! This behavior only let’s him know how insecure you are, and that my friends is a major turn off for men.

Another advantage of remembering past relationships is that you can reflect on what it is you got out of it, and how it can help you in your present or future relationship. Did you realize you like to go out and party? Or do you prefer a quiet romantic date?

So for any men that might be reading this, don’t be so jealous of past relationships either. Those relationships might help you. She might have changed something to better your relationship because of a past experience. We learn something different from each relationship which in another post I’ll mention my theory of how maybe we aren’t meant to be with one person forever. But that’s for another post.

So ladies, and gentlemen dream on. There is nothing wrong with those past relationship thoughts. You are not being disloyal. You are simply practicing your human nature.